Things Not To Say

Things to Never Say to a Policeman
1. You accept cash or credit card?
2. Do you know why you pulled me over?
3. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer.
4. Can I pay you in installments. I am a student.
5. Why you stopped me? I am paying your salary!
6. Are you the guy from Terminator 2?
7. Hey, you must've been doing' about 125 km/h to keep up with me. Good job!
8. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. I was trying to keep up with traffic. I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
11. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Things to Never Say to a Woman During an Argument

Whoa, time out. Football is on.
Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
Don't you have some laundry to do or something?
You are so cute when you get mad.
Wait a minute - I get it. What time of the month is it?
You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of bitch flakes this morning!

Things not to be said to parents during college years
Hey dad, are there any openings at your office?
I'm converting!
I don't know, I think a nipple ring is very fashion conscience.
Who are you again?
Mom, you too can be saved.
I need more money for my gambling ring.
From now on, you'll call me Mohammed.
I'd love to talk to you, but I have more important things in my life to do.
Is it possible to get a 12-year old girl pregnant?
Hey mom, you know how you and dad got married at 20, well...
This is my home away from home. I have new friends, and a family here with two kids and - um, forget what I just said.
And I joined a political party!
I just can't take it anymore. The pressure! The Pressure! Aaaaaaaaaaah! (Click)
Mom, send me some neosporin. I seem to have a lot of cold sores.
When are you coming to visit! I really want to see you!

Things Not To Say On Your First Date...
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.

Things Not To Say During Childbirth....
Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.
Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?
If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.
That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?
When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.
You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.
Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?
Stop your swearing and just breathe.
Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there.